Guess what folks. Having 3 children is just as hard as everyone says it is. At least for me. It wasn't bad at first. I mean, sure, I was exhausted and would have days that I felt overwhelmed, but I still had a handle on things, and felt somewhat in control of my life. But lately, not so much. I think it goes in waves, I'll be doing pretty good for a while and then weeks go by that I wonder what in the world I was thinking. I keep seeing this article floating around, "Drops of Awesome" and I guess it kind of gave me hope that I am not alone, that maybe other mothers out there feel just as inadequate as I do. So I have made an effort to celebrate the little successes in my day. For example, yesterday I mopped the kitchen floor. Whoopdie Do! Forget the fact that it took a week to get to, Drop of Awesome for me. Scrubbed the toilets before play group...two drops! But then for every drop of awesome I feel like a cup of failure spills out. Mop the floor...drop of awesome, leave 2 year old screaming in his room for an hour...1 cup spills out. Refrain from yelling at said 2 year old, drop. Bite 2 year olds arm after he repeatedly bites sister...lost a cup. Pretty sure these drops aren't enough to make up for the all the awesomeness spilling out. But today, in this rare moment of peace and quiet, instead of picking up the toys all over the house or finally taking the pile of crap on the kitchen counter to earn a few drops of awesome, I'm venting to you all, and going back through all the parenting tips I pinned previously, on a day I felt I had control of my life, in hopes that a break will get me through this day without too many regrets! And hopefully some day soon I will be caught up enough to actually feel like I've accomplished something! At least the kids are all alive and relatively healthy...that oughta be worth a few drops, right!?
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Sending empathy, laughs, and understanding from Seattle... really...
ReplyDeleteBrady & Becky +3
You can do it, Shaylah! I know the feeling of one step forward, two steps back. But I don't think you lose any ground when you make mistakes or have a moment of weakness and lose your temper as a parent. I think that every step you take forward will be for your benefit. And we are thinking of trying for #3 now that it sorta feels like I have a handle on things, that I can take it all on again, but I am still really scared. Please tell me it's not too hard!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the post Shaylah--I needed that today. Just letting you know I'm right there with ya! And sometimes, like yesterday, I have a really good day and then the boys go to bed and I think sweet I can work on my want to do list--but then I look around and see laundry to fold, dishes to put away, pots to clean, the kitchen counters totally covered in stuff to put away etc. and I just start to cry because I only seem to have time to do what HAS to be done and not what I enjoy doing or want to do--like label photos and videos.
ReplyDeleteoh boy....you are not alone. I felt like I was drowning for about 3 years after Blake was born. I'd just come up long enough to get a gulp of air, and then right back under. The good news is that it does get better. The time with your head above water gets longer and longer. One day you will be able to mop the floor AND scrub the toilet in the same day. Something to look forward to ;)
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